The art of the long bath

Let’s get one thing straight: the point of the long bath is not to get clean. The point of the long bath is purposeful unproductivity – to take a large swath of time wholly for yourself in an age when society increasingly demands you split that time again and again in the name of living a productive life until only a sliver is left for you and you alone. It’s the ultimate personal indulgence and an act of controlled societal rebellion. And – even better – it’s something you can do for yourself every day.

I’ve long been known to indulge in a multi-hour bath. In fact, one of my favorite birthday memories is when my then-boyfriend, now-husband, Scott fed me a Carvel ice cream cake while I soaked (Ah, to be 22 again). My PR is a five-hour bath, during which time I topped off the tub with hot water six times and binge-watched an entire season of HBO’s Girls. From that day to this my finger pads and toe tips have refused to prune no matter how long I wade in a pool or laze in a hot tub, evolution be damned.

“No, there is an art to the long bath, and I consider myself the Titian of the tub, so gather ‘round the hot water heater and I’ll break it down for you.”

When it comes to the long bath, though, one would be wise to understand you can’t just crank the water to lava and hop in without a plan… that’s a perfect way to ensure a 10-minute soak and a red ass. No, there is an art to the long bath, and I consider myself the Titian of the tub, so gather ‘round the hot water heater and I’ll break it down for you.

Step One: Learn to love the dry brush

I think the dry brush is one of the most underrated beauty tools out there. Every time I see them sitting untouched in the Target bathing aisle, I feel a little womp-womp in my heart. First, when it comes to full-body exfoliation, the dry brush is unmatched in terms of ease-of-use (as it requires zero in-shower, one-leg balancing while you attempt to simultaneously slough away your calf crust and keep the water from infiltrating your jar of sugar scrub). Secondly, it. Just. Feels. So. Good. Start with one foot, and make long, sweeping strokes upward toward your heart. Knocking those extraneous skin cells off will aid in the absorption of your bath and body products later.

Step Two: End up in hot water

Our natural inclination is to get the bathwater as hot as we can stand it. And it makes sense; heat is relaxing, so the hotter the water, the more relaxed I’ll be, right? Mmmm, no. Start the bath on the same temperature you normally would if you were to take a shower and toss in your choice of body-softening accoutrement (bath bomb, essential oils, bath salts, etc.). My faves are the Lush Sex Bomb or Dr. Teal’s Coconut Oil Epsom Salt. Now, get on in. When the tub becomes about three-quarters full, unleash your need for scalding liquid surrounding your body. Really… at this point, you can make it as hot as you can tolerate. You’ll know you’ve gotten it right when the goosebumps hit.

Step Three: Become a multi-masker

There’s a reason the facial-mask-and-bath combo is a well-known cliché vaguely reminiscent of a Cathy comic strip. It’s a natural pairing! However, I would challenge you to take this already near-perfect ritual and make it just like you – a little bit extra – by adding one more mask to the mix. If you typically prefer to use a purifying or cleansing mask, apply a moisturizing mask afterward. If you’ve tended toward hydrating masks in the past, kick-off this bath with a nice clay mask first. Two really are better than one in this case, and when else would you have the time to pamper yourself this way? Your own skin needs will dictate your selection, but I’m personally partial to the glowy effect of the Peter Thomas Roth Pumpkin Enzyme Peel followed by the Neutrogena Hydro Boost Hydrating Hydrogel Mask.

Step Four: Get stranded

Speaking of masks… if you’re going to be in the tub awhile, you might as well let your hair get in on the action. Grab your Olaplex, Hask mask, or coconut oil and apply liberally. I’m a fan of the Davines Oi Hair Butter, but as long as you see the word “repair” or “moisturize” somewhere on the label, you can’t go wrong here. Secure your hair with an alligator clip or shower cap, and get ready for…

Step Five: Netflix and fill (the tub up again)

You’re exfoliated, masked, and immersed in something lovely. Now’s the time to pick up your phone/tablet/e-reader/magazine/book and get to maxin’ and relaxin’. The medium itself doesn’t really matter – all that does is that it’s something you’ve been wanting to spend a little time with. After all, you’ll need to stay in the bath at least 30 minutes to let all three of your masks work their magic.

Catch up on the latest Conversational articles? Yes. Giggle through some feel-good reruns of The Office? Always. Thumb through a trashy tabloid? The bath is a sacred space. No one’s judging you in the tub.

Happy soaking, bathing beauties!