Making Friends After 40 Is Hard.
In 2017, it occurred to Erin that there was a definite lack of connection in the world. That we had all drifted away from one another to our screens and earphones. That it was easier to unplug from the world rather than deal with all the voices yelling their opinions in our respective directions — whether that was from the right, left, or the middle. She started to think that what was missing was old-fashioned friendship and some human conversation. But life got complicated, and she put the idea down for a while.
Then she spent her last birthday mostly alone — thanks pandemmy.
“I simply didn’t tell anyone I was spending it alone. That experience did, however, put into fairly sharp focus that I had not been actively building those connections I was once so committed to establishing with my fellow humans. Sure, I still have people in my life from old jobs and college and my sorority, but we are now scattered all over the world. And it’s just tough to even find time to catch up with them by text or phone call, let alone spend time together in person. It requires an active effort to keep the people we already know in our lives, so adding new ones was… challenging. Between schedules, inertia, and where to meet new people, I think it’s simply much more difficult to make new friends after a certain age and stage in life.”
“It felt like most people just weren’t talking about this. So, I knew it was time to start creating new connections and making some friends. But where do I start?” With a conversation.
Here’s my journey and the tale I lived to tell.
Aren’t you an introvert?
“Yes, gentle reader. Oh yes. But I have built a weird special skill set over a lifetime of being a little bit curious about a lot of things to be able to talk to nearly anyone about nearly anything. But, to an introvert, small talk is… yikes. So, how do you generate a conversation out of thin air and make it comfortable for someone who isn’t fueled by engaging with others?
Enter The Questions. Think Colbert Questionert, if you’re into that sort of thing.
In 2019, I created this list of questions to spark discussions. Some are philosophical, others are silly. Some are inspired by Proust, others by Sesame Street. Some are more personal, all are revealing.”
How it Works
“My goal is to talk with 52 people who identify as women this year. Each person can select questions from the list below to break the ice and get us talking. From there, I hope to build acquaintance, connection, and friendships over time.”
— Erin Ellison, Conversational Talks
The Questions
What color would you be in the crayon box?
Do you wear fragrance? Why that one?
Who is your favorite musician?
What was the last live performance you saw?
What was the first album you owned?
If you could wake up tomorrow in your favorite place on Earth, where would you be?
How do you spend your free time?
What do you value most in your friends?
What’s your favorite food memory?
What’s your favorite book?
When was the last time you said something you instantly regretted?
What quality do you most admire in another person?
What is your biggest fear?
Who’s your biggest influence?
You can meet any living person on Earth: who do you choose and why?
Have you ever loved someone you shouldn’t?
Where would you like to live?
Who are your favorite writers?
Have you ever left something in the middle: movie? party? date?
What historical figure do you most identify with?
What fictional character do you most identify with?
Who are your heroes in real life?
Do you remember your dreams?
Do you know how to swim?
What’s your favorite board game?
What movie have you seen multiple times?
What food completely grosses you out?
What was the last thing you watched on TV?
Are you superstitious?
What’s the story of your nickname?
What’s the first thing you do when you get home at night?
What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Do you sing in the shower?
What three wishes would you ask the genie for?
What’s your dream job?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
What are you known for?
If you could travel in time (if you think it’s possible), would you go back along your own timeline and change things about your life?
What’s your favorite season?
What one thing about your life would you like to change?
What do you wish you could do better?
If you were reincarnated as some other thing or animal, what would you hope it would be?
What talent would you most like to have?
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
What’s your favorite piece of clothing?
What’s the most memorable thing that has ever happened to you?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
What do you want to be celebrating a year from now?
If you were a superhero, what power would you want to have?
What matters to you?
If you found out you have a $10 million winning lottery ticket after we finished this, what would you do?
Where do you retreat to?
