Woman to Woman: Self-care for introverts and extroverts

Books, brunch, and breaks for the introvert 

by Jeanie Dizon

As an introvert, taking time out to focus on self-care allows me to tame the anxiety most of us modern, multi-tasking women face on a daily basis.

Like most introverts, I am obsessed with books. My library is my self-care sanctuary, and I much prefer the silent voices emanating from novel covers, whispering for me to join them on an adventure, to actual voices of people making small talk at a bar. Books give me the type of one-on-one interaction I crave, even if it’s just a connection to the author’s ideas or fantasy.

That’s not to say I’m anti-social – I absolutely adore my friends! I just can’t handle being with them all at once, so I tend to my relationships by making individual dates with my friends, connecting with them over an “easy like Sunday morning” brunch or FaceTime versus hanging out en masse. 

When I have the time to indulge my introversion for an entire day, I do, perhaps ironically, like to go out... usually for a nature walk. Being out in a forest gives my mind a chance to wander, to merely observe the rocks underfoot, the hawks swooping above, or the bumblebees selecting a flower to sleep in. I may also be living out my Disney princess fantasy by doing this (Shhh…).

But even on the busiest of days, I try to build in decompression time – even if it’s only a tiny window. When I worked in an office tower in London, my co-workers would always take an afternoon tea break, no matter how bustling the beehive. I have since imported tea time because a nice cuppa with milk and sugar is perfect for kicking off my son’s seemingly eternal witching hour, with tea’s simultaneously relaxing and awakening effect. 

Introvert or not, isn’t that the kind of self-care every woman deserves? 

Social networks, news, and naps for the extrovert

By Robin O. Harris, Ph.D.

The past several years, I’ve had health issues that have rendered me a somewhat housebound person. So while staying in during these days of sheltering in place is not new for me, as an extrovert, I’m still struggling. 

When I first became relatively homebound, I actually went through withdrawal missing my public social relationships. I needed to adjust my self-care as an extrovert to fit an at-home social role, and I quickly learned I couldn’t rely on others to satisfy my need for engagement.

As part of my new self-care routine, I began calling to check up on people — friends, family, and even some church members I don’t know very well — for the social interaction. It makes a difference, but as a self-confessed hugger, my arms ached to be able to give people a reassuring hug rather than just supportive words.

This is especially true right now. Because I’m an extrovert, people often come to me for help with their problems, and it’s easy to get sucked in and find yourself becoming the main source of assistance. Self-care means doing what’s right for you, and I realized early on that I needed to establish boundaries to ensure these conversations are healthy for both parties and not draining for me. 

I’ve also found humor to be an essential part of self-care these days. Seeing jokes, funny memes, even pictures of people’s pets on Facebook gives me a critical connection to others so vital to extroverts. Sometimes getting into discussions on Facebook can be valuable, too (as long as they don’t become energy-draining, disparaging arguments).

Thankfully, my husband, basically an introvert, is understanding about giving me the conversation I crave for extrovert self-care. We watch the morning news together for two hours every day and discuss the stories. For some, watching the news is too much, but for me, it’s a vital part of continuing to engage with the world even when I cannot be out in it.

My husband has also persuaded me to participate in one of his favorite self-care activities: naps. In the past, that was the last thing this extrovert wanted to do, but I’ve found taking a couple of hours in the middle of the day to nest with my husband and four dogs a great way to energize for the balance of the day. Now, it’s something I look forward to throughout the morning.

And isn’t that what self-care is all about?