So, you’ve decided to masturbate.

First, let me congratulate you on getting this far. No, you’re not the first girl to ever get the urge to buff her muffin, but in a society that still upholds a sad double standard when it comes to masturbation, your decision to practice some sexual self-care can feel like a radical one. 

So, what next? You’ve got your favorite cocktail, your water-based lubricant out, and your fun new vibrator fully charged. Do you go straight in? Just lie back and think of England? Concoct some contrived mental scene starring that busboy from dinner? None of this will do. Take it from some experts: a little solo Netflix and chill before you double click your mouse will go a long way. 

Yes, I’m talking about porn. Cue gasp. 

It may be hard to believe, but there is a market for female-forward porn. In fact, the “porn for women” genre is growing, as studies indicate millennial women watch more pornography than other generations. (That’s one industry they can’t blame us for killing.) 

“Whichever site you choose, there seem to be common threads as to what women prefer in our porn.”

Sites including Bellesa and ForHerTube have popped up in recent years with videos, full-length films and erotic short stories that feature women as the naturally sexual beings we are, and not the one-dimensional conquests or objects traditional pornography has historically portrayed us as. Even PornHub has its own Popular with Women ♀   category now, although you’ll have to wade through aggressive gangbang clips and animated sex game ads that will make you scream “Not Minnie Mouse!” to get there. 

Whichever site you choose, there seem to be common threads as to what women prefer in our porn. Keywords such as “natural,” “sensual,” “relationship,” and “massage” are a good place to start if you’re in the mood to watch two people. If a single participant is more your style, straightforward is best: “female masturbation,” “masturbation solo,” “female orgasm.”  

Maybe you’ve always been curious, but have been scared away by the hardcore, male-centric porn you’ve encountered. You might be part of a couple, and want to watch some videos together to build intimacy. Perhaps your relationship with porn up to this point has been fraught, and you’re trying to understand the allure for yourself. If any of these sound like you, some quick pointers: 

1. Private browsing is your friend. In Chrome, it’s Incognito Mode. In Safari, it’s New Private Window. In every instance, it’s a good idea – unless you’re ok with others happening upon your search history. 

2. Videos may not be your thing. And that’s ok. There’s no shortage of literary erotica and audio stories to help you get in the mood. 

3. Try to keep an open mind. There is truly something for everybody on the internet. Unless it’s illegal or otherwise harmful (and you’re unlikely to unwittingly stumble upon this), just keep scrolling, and repeat after me: “To each, her own. To each, her own.”

See you on the other side of the incognito window.