You don’t have to wear black to a funeral.

We spend so much time dressing for other people and wearing what we think is appropriate. Don’t wear black. Don’t wear too much color. Women should wear dresses but not that dress, it’s too short. On any given day, we should wear whatever the hell makes us feel the most like ourselves. But, there are just a handful of occasions where some extra thought should go into what we put on and those are weddings, job interviews, and funerals.  

We’ve all been there. You get the call that someone you know or loved passed away and their funeral will happen in the next few days. You go into your closet and dig through everything, trying on several dozens of outfits. Too much leg…too much boob. Is this too tight? God, this makes me look like my mother. Finally, you settle for your most modest, funeral appropriate attire. 

If you are like me (and the billions of other people who have come before us), you are probably wearing black. I love black, but I love it more when I choose to wear it, not because I feel like I have to. We wear black because… well, that’s what we’ve always done. We wear black because… well, that’s mostly what we do in the US. It’s the traditional color of mourning in the West and the practice is believed to date all the way back to the Roman Empire. 

But as time progresses, and we become less formal in general, do we still have to wear black to funerals? 

These days, many are choosing to forgo traditional funerals and opt for celebrations of life or memorial services instead. Naturally, our mindset about what we wear to these occasions should change too. 

In college, a friend passed away very tragically and suddenly. His funeral would no doubt be heartbreaking, but his mother had one request of all of us: Do not wear black. Instead, we should wear bright, bold, beautiful colors. Colors that reflected the life of my friend. 

We followed her request and the sanctuary was a beautiful rainbow of color. Bunking tradition definitely drew stares and whispers from the older attendees, but once they saw us all together, they smiled because the color was a reflection of our friend and made the pain hurt a little less in that moment. 

It’s no secret that what we wear can make or break how we feel about ourselves and the energy we out. If any situation needs a pick-me-up, Lord, it’s a funeral. I’m telling you — your relationship with the person should totally influence what you decide to wear to remember them. Did your loved one have a favorite color? Maybe add pops of that color in their honor. Even if black is how you feel on the inside, it will feel so good to wear some color. It might even brighten the spirits of those around you. Shine on!

If you need to attend the funeral of an acquaintance, black or navy are still the best and most respectful choice — because it’s about showing respect to the family and their memory, not your fashion choices.

But if you happen to lose someone you love, you will find that these moments are deeply persona, l and so are the ways we grieve. Wear what makes you feel your best and what your person would appreciate. Death is an unfortunate part of life, but it also means we were lucky enough to live, so why not celebrate?