Why I'm boycotting Thanksgiving this year
Because it’s a minefield.
Who’s got an awkward brother-in-law or uncomfortable uncle? Raise your hand? Is that just about everyone? How do you navigate all the icky topics you just don’t want to talk about in this politically charged world and age of #metoo? I’m asking. No, really. How do you do this? We could all use a few ideas.
Or if it’s not somebody else: is it you? My former in-laws loved Hardee’s biscuits on holiday mornings. And respect to anyone who can figure out how to feed 20 without lifting more than a “pass me those bags” finger. And yay to anyone who does real cranberry sauce with orange zest. Really.
But I was the most awkward person ever to cross the threshold of their cute house. None of the food was what I was used to and, as a committed introvert, it was like being trapped in a hell of small talk and “so, when are you going to start trying?” For what? To make me less weird? Every day. Every. Day.
Because it’s unsafe.
See all that beautiful food? OK, maybe you don’t think of a live turkey as food, but I am here to tell you that their life span around this time of year is short, fat, and beautifully roasted. But, since food keeps trying to kill me, I’m wary of any holiday that is 100% built around how much of it we can cram onto our plates. It’s just more than a little unsafe for someone with extensive food allergies. And it’s not better to have to have the conversation again featuring “what can you eat?!??”
Yes, there are subs that can be made to make things gluten, dairy, and soy free. And yes, my family tries to do right by me. But when you don’t feel safe bellying up to the table for fear of what the vittles will do to your belly… it’s a tough holiday to navigate.
On more than one occasion, I have suggested that what I will do is just skip Thanksgiving. I tried to run a 10K, then a 5K — even suggested we should travel that day to someplace where we are among strangers. Fails. Flights are expensive, hotels and Airbnbs are packed, and most people are just not down to eat seafood on Thanksgiving. Plus that 5K just made me hungrier.
However, I do love pie.
And cranberries. You could sit me down with a spoon to a tin of cranberry jelly, and I would be content for quite a while. I even like the rings from the can. Yep, call me tacky and come at me on this one: but it’s just meant to be jet-formed. I also love tart things, so I just drink cranberry juice year round. And my family is pretty great. So, that’s a selling point for Thanksgiving: there’s people, pie, and cranberries in various formats. Note: also love a crumble, betty, and buckle. Baked things are my love language.
So, maybe I’m not going to skip the holiday. Perhaps, I’ll try arriving just in time for cranberry jelly and pie and see how that goes over with Uncle Jim. I’m sure it won’t be a thing at all.
Happy eating, Gentle Reader! Hope you enjoy the day as much as humanly possible.
