There's no such thing as life-work balance

I’m here to tell you that work-life balance is a myth. We have all read the articles, listened to self-help podcasts, and watched our friends’ carefully curated and filtered social feeds for tips on how we can have it all. It looks and sounds so uncomplicated, fueling guilt, making it easy to get discouraged or depressed.

Achieving work-life balance implies we’re failing at something (everything). It’s just one more thing we can’t check off of the to-do list in our planner. Whether you work outside the home or not, you’re busy. Life is messy, and often the unexpected can derail the best-laid plans.

Want to be happier? Drop the idea that you can do it all and achieve that elusive work-life balance. There are only 24 hours in a day (even for Beyoncé), making it sometimes physically impossible to balance it all. Instead, I believe what we actually want are meaningful experiences and interactions in work and personal life.

my advice for finding harmony between home and work:

1.    Be realistic. Work is part of life. It’s not bad. But it doesn’t have to be all-consuming. Unless you’re actually a brain surgeon, your job is not brain surgery, and the project will still be there tomorrow.

2.    Be strict with your time. Have a passion for social causes or your kids’ PTA? Don’t get me wrong, those things are important. I have volunteered for many worthwhile causes. However, a few years ago, I decided I was spreading myself too thin, and I was not doing a good job for any of the groups I was trying to support. I chose to devote my time to one organization. And behold, I felt free. I’m still trying to affect change and make a difference out in the world, but not at the expense of my personal needs. Volunteer your talents to one organization that matters to you, not five.

3.   Be flexible. Too late or too exhausted to make dinner? Moms everywhere, I’m looking at you. If you spent the day shuffling your kids from activity to activity, or if after working all day and helping with homework you don’t have the energy or time to cook dinner, it’s okay to order pizza. Relying on someone else to feed your family does not make you a failure.

“Look, we all worry that we’re not measuring up, and there’s still much work to be done to stop reinforcing misogynistic social norms, to balance workplace equality and to equalize gender roles at home. ”

Look, we all worry that we’re not measuring up, and there’s still much work to be done to stop reinforcing misogynistic social norms, to balance workplace equality and to equalize gender roles at home. But that’s another article entirely. What I want you to do, dear reader, is to stop feeling ashamed and to stop trying to do it all at the expense of your personal wellness and sanity.

Months into my marriage and the purchase of my first home 21 years ago, I was preparing for my dad’s visit from out-of-state to my new home. I was freaking out. I needed to clean, grocery shop, fit in my workout, meet work deadlines, and on and on. My mom tried to calm me down by reminding me that I couldn’t possibly do it all and be everything to everyone. Her words have remained with me ever since: “You can’t have the perfect house, the perfect marriage, the perfect body, and the perfect job.” Years later, I sometimes still find the need to remind myself of that pep talk.

Back then, I was beginning my career and trying to build a reputation for myself. I joined leadership programs, and when asked what defines success and happiness for me, my answer was always family. And yet I tried to do it all, sometimes putting family last: I would put in extra time at work, try to cook healthy meals, work out, volunteer my time in the community, join civic clubs, create a beautiful (Pinterest-worthy) home—and it was exhausting. Eventually, I learned that I wasn’t as fulfilled as I should be, and I started saying no. And I felt happy.

Stop comparing yourself to the Instagram-styled lives of others.

We can’t balance it all.

Or can we?

Once I stopped believing the hype that it’s possible, I found the happiness I had always aspired to in those early define what success means to you surveys: fulfillment through time spent with family. If I work late today, I make an effort to right the seesaw tomorrow or even next week by throwing all my energy into personal activities. And vice versa. 

Your time may not always be in balance, but being all in and present no matter where you are can make all the difference. You don’t have to forsake the things that are important to you: family, faith, friends, self, career, and community.

You can have it all — or as much of it as you want — but you don’t have to fit it into a 24-hour timeframe. Cut yourself a break and embrace the chaos (whether or not you choose to keep it organized neatly inside your planner).

You do you.