More than “just Mom”
I have always wanted to be remembered for doing something great with my life.
Last year, I was fortunate enough to become a mother to a very energetic and curious little boy. After he was born, I chose to leave my full-time job and stay home with him. Life changed from creating spreadsheets and making weekend plans to changing diapers and surviving on very little sleep.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but I didn’t realize that in being one, I’d lose my self of identity.
“I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but I didn’t realize that in being one, I’d lose my self of identity. ”
Looking back on this change, I didn’t know that all this intense love for my child and shared joy and laughter could also bring deep feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
Who was I anymore? Am I more than “just Mom?”
Do I want to put my son in daycare and go back to work?
If I had stayed at my job, and been a working mom, would I still feel this way?
All I know is that I need something more.
More than navigating from bottle time to playtime to nap time. More than playdates and park outings. I am lucky that I found a group of other stay-at-home moms who are my support system. I am lucky that my husband doesn’t work too much and pulls his weight (even if I find myself watching the clock until he’s home). I’m also lucky that my parents help out and that I have family close by.
But I can’t be a good mother without first taking care of myself.
I love being a mom. I love teaching my son and watching him as he grows and learns. But, I can’t forget about myself. I have to be in a good headspace and a good place emotionally to give my all to my family and those that I love, especially my son.
So, I’m setting a goal for myself to start focusing on me. This doesn’t mean I won’t give my all as a mother, because I will. It means that I need to start practicing self-care and recreating my sense of identity.
I’m not sure how I am going to accomplish this yet. Maybe it involves reconnecting with my hobbies. Maybe it involves writing more often. It may look like taking a class or getting a part-time job. It could be as simple as connecting with friends that I’ve lost touch with. This journey is mine and mine alone. I know that whatever I decide will be the right choice for me.
Does my story feel like yours?
To all the mothers out there: could you relate to this? If it does, I hope you will ask for help. I hope you will seek out someone or something to fill the void. Whether it is talking to a professional, going back to work, or really anything that could help you, please do it.
We are so blessed to be mothers, but what often gets left unsaid is how we can lose our true selves when we’re busy caring for little ones. I’ve made a new commitment to myself now -- I’m going to make time for me. And, I’ll be a better mother because of it. Maybe I won’t change the world, but I am shaping a little human who is growing up in this world. And that is something indeed.
