Measuring up in a crisis of body confidence

“I actually was fired from a job, Forever 21. They booked me directly when I was much younger and I showed up on set, they asked me if they could take a photo. 

And they shot that photo off to my agency who then calls me — as I’m sitting in the makeup chair — and they say, ‘You need to leave right now, they just called and said you are fat, and you need to come get your measurements taken.’” 

– Chrissy Teigen (2014). 

Let’s think about Chrissy Teigen now... and also five years ago. 

She was not and is not “fat.” 

This shows how ruthless the modeling industry can be.

Having spent the last two decades as a model, I have seen the industry transform. Also, I have transformed within the industry. When I was first signed to Wilhelmina Models at 14 years old, I was a size 4. And I kept that size for the next 15 years and went on to sign with Ford Models and Click Models. 

I never needed to follow a strict diet or exercise routine, but when the age of 30 was on the horizon, that changed. I took a few years off from modeling to focus on my second act — a legal career. Before I knew it, those few years paired with a more sedentary lifestyle, led me to find the scale 40 lbs. heavier. 

I was shocked. It had slowly crept up and I had slowly added to my wardrobe without paying too much attention to my weight or the size of jeans I was buying. And since I wasn’t focused on modeling, I wasn’t being held accountable in the same way or being measured as I had been previously. 

A model lifestyle 

I wanted to get back into modeling because I missed it so I reached out to my old agent. She knew I had gained “some weight,” but I was thinking I could do a crash diet for a week and snap back into my size 27 jeans. And then I woke up and realized, this is me now. I am a size 12 or 14 (32 or 34). 

And with astronomical insecurity, I agreed to go into the agency for measurements. Every model DREADS this regardless of one’s weight. Standing in front of a room full of people in form-fitting jeans and a tank top, arms out like a “T” and the agent focusing in with the tape measure in hand. 

Much to my shock, I was the only one concerned or seemingly even phased by the change in my weight. They were happy to see me and encouraged me by confirming there is a major market for “curvy models”  — the industry term for sizes 8-16 — and a market for “plus-size models” sized 18+. Agencies typically have five boards or categories of models: Women, Curve/Curvy, Plus, New Faces, and Men. 

“I was thinking I could do a crash diet for a week and snap back into my size 27 jeans. And then I woke up and realized, this is me now. I am a size 12 or 14 (32 or 34). ”

New body, new opportunities 

So, there I was, staring at this new opportunity that I had not prepared myself for. I had doubts. Did I even want to model anymore if I had to be on the Curvy board? I was uncertain and insecure, but I decided to let fate make the decision for me. So, my agency added me to the board and started submitting me for bookings. And I was quickly booked. 

Once again, I was very surprised. I shot for Kohl’s, Belk, Spanx, QVC, fab’rik, and more. And no one on set treated me any differently. If anything, they were warmer and friendlier to me as a curvy model than they were when I was on the Women’s board (I refrain from saying “normal model” or “regular model” because what is normal or regular?!)

Most recently, I walked in the Spanx X fab’rik fashion show as the only curvy model. Being the only one different in a group in any situation can be intimidating. Add to that a catwalk and 500+ people — and I had the nervous sweats. To my advantage, I have 20 years of modeling experience under my belt and with that comes a confidence that is very much earned. Being a model forced me not to take constructive criticism to heart because, when your body is your job, that criticism is about the physical you — and it can be brutal. 

Runway models are usually the newest and youngest in the industry because the thinnest models are usually the most desired models by designers. So, while I had been back in the game as a Curvy model for several years, it was only in print. Runway is live, and there aren’t any do-overs. I had five looks, and the energy of the audience was magnetic. I gave it my best and hoped it was felt. 

After the show, I was sitting with two girlfriends trying to come down from the adrenaline high. As we sat together, at least 20 different people made their way over to me to compliment my energy, confidence, and magnetism. I was floored! I couldn’t have been more appreciative, humbled, and honored. 

Fast forward to today

I have been working as a curvy model for several years now and, with every booking, I leave feeling more empowered. Feeling proud that I can represent a more inclusive group of women, proud that I didn’t give up because of my own insecurities, and absolutely thrilled that models aren’t solely defined by their size anymore. Gone are the days that successful models can only be a size 0-4. Gone are the days that a “plus-size model” is a size 8. And I welcome this evolution with open arms.