I always thought I was an anti-racist. Then I read White Fragility.

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo is the most powerful book I have ever read. Every sentence is a thought-provoking challenge to rethink who and what you are as an individual. But to fully explain my reaction to this book, I have to tell the story of what happened to me a few months ago.

In a Facebook Social Justice group, I read a post about a group exercise giving numerical value to the ease of certain experiences. A well-educated, highly-successful black woman, living in a mostly white neighborhood, received a low score — deeply humiliating her in comparison to that of the white women participating.

Learning the score reflected “white privilege,” she became more upset; she had worked hard to overcome the barriers of racism and to achieve in society, only to discover she remained on a lower rung. Struck by her pain and humiliation, I posted a question about the experience of the white women involved. Responders to the post jumped on me for turning a black woman’s experience into a white woman’s question. The more I defended myself the worse the conversation became with me even called a racist.

Me? Someone who had fought for racial equality through many venues, won an award for social justice, served on numerous Diversity/Equity groups while teaching at college? Then, frustrated with the progress of those groups, formed a student group that talked with high school students about racism?

I was shattered. I cried and cried for three days. I even called a black friend for assurance that I was not a racist. My sense of self was totally destroyed.

Now that I have read this book, I understand I was a classic example of white fragility.

---

White fragility is a form of defensiveness that allows us to show deeply embedded, often unconscious, bias while protecting our identity as morally “good” people who demonize racism. No matter your intention of consciously projecting non-racism, our subconscious has been steeped in institutional racism throughout our lives. This happens through what DiAngelo calls “racial socialization: messages, beliefs, images, associations, internal superiority and entitlements, perceptions and emotions.” 

We are surrounded by a world of white dominance that we move through our entire lives; we assume the white experience as the universal experience and therefore the typically correct one. It is not a matter of if we will express racism, but when and how. 

My reckoning came when I took a painful experience of a Black woman, and instead of validating or commenting on that, I turned it into a white experience. I then proceeded to make things worse by explaining my good intentions and refusing to listen. Instead, I became defensive “because I am really a good person,” and, worst of all, I tried to gain sympathy from other posters. I even consulted a black friend for her opinion and posted that to boost my validity. All these, including my crying, are typical responses of white fragility, and all illustrate why the Black community has a difficult time talking to white people about race. Instead of accepting the criticism, trying to understand it, and being grateful for someone taking the time and effort to point out our racist bias, we pose as the victim.

Society has established a binary position on racism. To be racist is bad; non-racist is good. We associate all racism with extreme attacks on Black people or overtly discriminatory dialogue. We fail to see the subtle and very unconscious ways that racism can be expressed… even by the best-intentioned of us. We remain unaware of these less obvious infractions because to call us on them is to risk our outrage, righteous indignation, and extreme defensiveness — making the person of color the transgressor rather than accepting the role ourselves.

There has been some controversy about DiAngelo, a white woman, writing a book about race. Her long-time experience and career as a professor and diversity trainer qualify her, but more so than that: she is a white woman writing about something exhibited by white people. In my estimation, her message would not be as well accepted coming from someone of another race and would have elicited pushback about lack of understanding... but she does understand whiteness. DiAngelo relates her own personal stories of unconscious bias. She declares her own learning as ongoing, and her own need to receive feedback from the people of color she encounters to hold her accountable.  

“There has been some controversy about DiAngelo, a white woman, writing a book about race. She certainly does understand whiteness. She relates her own personal stories of unconscious bias.

She declares her own learning as ongoing, and her own need to receive feedback from the people of color she encounters to hold her accountable. ”

According to DiAngelo, we all share a responsibility to interrupt racism wherever we see or hear it, which requires courage and intentionality. We cannot be passive or complacent, and we can never consider our work done as we battle the reproduction of racial inequality our institutions were designed to reproduce (and do so well).

This is not an easy book to read. It’s a personally challenging book. Yet, I consider it incredibly affirming of my desire to rise above the systemic racism in our society and see that equality for all becomes the dominant ideology. Not just in word, but in deed. That means confronting relatives, friends, and strangers when I see racism in the words they speak or the actions they take. That means constantly examining my own responses and learning to listen rather than speak over the voices of people of color. While I physically can no longer march, I can be a true ally and continue to educate myself on what being anti-racist really means.

“All white people should read this book. And I mean ALL white people. Particularly if you think you’re a well-educated progressive liberal who already supports anti-racism… this one’s for you.”

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People To Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo, is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and local booksellers. Published by Gallery Books, New York, 2019. This article contains affiliate links, so if you order a book using it, we make a little percentage from that sale.

If you are interested in continuing to grow in the area of anti-racism, here’s a short list of other books you may find helpful:

• How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

• I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown    

• The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

• Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

• So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Olou

• Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong by James W. Loewen